I have come to a great realization. In my last I talked about a strange day on witch I woke up and felt the urge to go to church. I have come to believe that that incident was not a coincidence but “divine intervention”. I truly do believe that God woke me up and sent me on a path to find him.
I have never had much faith or belief in God. I have always been a man that has had to have scientific explanation in order to believe something. I the past I have always said “I can’t see God and I can not touch him and there is no scientific proof that he exists, there for he is not real”.
I have pondered long and hard the events of Christmas morning. Wakening up at 4 am, having the idea to go to church, finding a church service 2 hours after I woke up and in the town were I live, and finally having the minister say that drunkarards will be forgiven.
Some would say that that all this happening the day after I came home from rehab is a coincidence. I think not. After deliberating over this series of events I have come to the conclusion that that there is no feasible scientific explanation for this occurrence. I am lead to believe that it was the act of some non worldly higher power. I believe it to be God.
Step 2 of alcoholics anonymous says “came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. In the very beginning of my recovery I struggled greatly with idea. I now feel that I am blessed to be able to say “I have come to believe that the power of god can restore me to sanity”.
Last Sunday at church I asked Jesus to come into my life and forgive me for my sins. I am now willing to try my best to lead my life towards the light of God and morality.
I have lived in sin for too long and looks were it has gotten me. I have wasted the better part of 20 year in drunkenness and depression. 10 years ago pastor Mike Floyd whom married Barbie and I heeded me a warning of a marriage without the presence of God. He spoke of a “three full cord”, existing of a man a women and god together like three ropes braided together for added strength.
At the time I smiled and nodded but honestly I could have given a shit less what he was babbling about. I was just pretending along so he would marry us. Looking back now at the last 10 years. I really wish I had listened and become saved by God at that time. How many problems could we have avoided?
I am not saying my marriage is awful because its not. I am glad that I am married and I love my wife till death. However I will be the first to say that Barbie and my union of marriage has had great periods of “unhealthiness”. I will also be the first to admit that most of these problems and points of unhealthiness were my fault or at least provoked by my evils and shortcomings.
I have a great hope and sense of new beginning since asking the lord into my life last Sunday. I am confident that my faith in god will continue to grow with each passing day.
I also believe that with the power and wisdom of the lord, Barbie and I will be able strengthen and purify our marriage. I am so looking forward to growing in the light of God, hand in hand with my beautiful wife.
