7 days sober

     Well folks it has been 7 days since i have felt the sweat burn on whiskey in my gulit.  I am missing it like you can not believe but at the same time i can feel my mind and my body healing.  I have more energy and my thoughts are clearer and brighter. 
     For thoughs that do not know last Sunday I had a bit of a metal break down and was having some "un-healthy" thoughts.  This is hard for me to admit but i feel like i need to say it to help my healing.  My drinking was getting out of hand and i felt like my world and everything the that i hold dear was falling apart.  the truth is that i wanted to take my own life to escape the stress and pain of what was going on in my life.  when i was sober i was fine but when i was drinking i was crazy and thinking irrationally.  I came to the conclusion the the safest thing myself and my family and everyone involved was for me to check myself into the mental ward at the tohma veteran's hospital.  I spent 6 days there getting my medication figured out and detoxing from the poisonous alcohol that i have been bathing my soul with for the past many years. 
    While i was there i had a lot of time with my thoughts.  I pondered life and love.  My pain and my forgiveness.  My past but mostly my future.  I need to bee a better husband i need to start showing my wife how important she is and how much i really do need her and love her.  I need to make her my princes again.  I need to listen to her feelings and thoughts.  I need to hold her when she needs to be held.  I need to tell here how beautiful i think she is more often.  I need to be the man that she wants and needs again.  I have no excuses for my mistakes and short comings i have no one to blame but myself for were i am and what has happened to me.  I my self am the one that has neglected her and my marriage by continuously clouding my mind and soul with my addiction to alcohol.
     I am done with it.  I am putting it down.  I have made the decision.  Every morning for probably the rest of my life i will wake up  next to my wonderful wife and swallow a disulfiram tablet (a drug that makes you violently ill if you have even a sip of booze) and tell my self that i am a better man with out the drink.  I know that it is going to be a long hard road but i will make it.