Time for change

I have come the realisation that i am a drunk and i have been just that for about 15 years.  What has brought me to this conclusion isn't perfectly clear to me yet but it is a number of things.  Maybe its that I'm getting older , I'm 30 now and the hang overs hurt way more that they used to. Maybe its that I'm driving my wife away or that i have realized that I'm teaching my kids how to be drunks.  My 7 year old son meets me at the door after work everyday with a hug and an open beer for his old man.  The boy loves me but he shouldn't associate my love with my drinking, that needs to change.  I have always as long i can remember loved to be drunk.  you know there is just something about it.  You get happy you get stronger you are more fun to be around but you know what else that's all bull shit.  it is time for Mr Tom Monroe to learn how to be all thoughts things with out the bottle.  I say learn because i truly don't know how to have fun when I'm not drunk.  November 23 i am checking my self into the 31 day substance abuse program at the Tohma VA hospital.  I am ready (I am scared as hell) but i am ready.  Hopefully they can fix me actually i should word it like this "I hope that they can help me fix myself".  I say that i am scared and i really truly am.  my wife is very exited about this but she also says that she is nervous about it because i will be a person that she has never met when I'm sober.  I definitely see her point because i wont know myself when i am sober either.  it may sound dumb but it will almost be like I'm being reborn.                  i started writeing this sober and now well you guessed it im drunk so if the thought prossec breaks down and i start talking stupid , well it is what it is.   Im gona qoet my hero here "well im gona have to give up something that means the world to me.  and i dont know what im gona do or how im gona be.  yah im puttin it down gona try and stand on my to feat.  so this is the last time the bottles coming up to try to set my soul free. i dont know what im gona a do but somethings gota change. becuse all the wiskey and drinking is taking away my flame.