It has been an amazing 4 days that I have been able to spend with my family. I have never been so inlove with my wife. It actully has began to hurt when she is not by my side. I have neglected her for so long and in these past days of sobriety I have decided to start anew. I make this promise to her and anyone that reads this. "From this day forth I will never let anything come before her needs and I will never let anything come between us. Also I promise to do my best to be the husband that she deserves."
On a difernt note. I am going to charge into this life of sobriety like a solder into battle, and it will be a battle. This is going to be the hardest thing that I have ever done. There is no doupt in my mind that I will have crippling urges to drink, I will need the suport of my family and my freinds to overcome this evil adiction. I know in my heart that I need to be sober in order to be a better man, husband, father and freind.
I go into this with a great amount of fear. The only thing I have know for the last 10 years is being drunk and I fear that I will not know myself once I come out on the other side. I fear that my wife will no longer know me or like me once I have changed. Every thing that I know to be fun revolves around drinking. They say that eventuly I will relearn how to enjoy life without being drunk after being sober for a time. I am honestly scared that I will never feel the same kind of elation that i have goten for so long from the bottle.
For so long I have blamed my life for my drinking problems. In reality now that I have been sober for 10 day I relize that I need to blame my drinking for the problems in my life. The truth is hard to admit but it is undoubly the truth. I fucked up. I have hurt my sons to the point were they asosiate my love with the burn on whisckey. I have alienated, ignored and hurt my wife to the point of almost ruening my marrige. I am glad that I have made the choose to stop drinking and I plan to put everything that i have in my soul into fixing my marraige. I will do every thing that I can to make her love me like crazy again.
I am exited about the future but at the same time I have this feeling of guilt that is setting into my soul. I have wasted so much time that I will never get back. I have hurt my wife and I have scared my children. I have not been the good man that I thought I was being. I am such a lucky man to have such a great wife and kids and I am damb lucky that I still have them. I now through sober eyes see what I have done and I regret to no end the chooses that I have made. I swear that I will put everything I can into making it up to them. I will do better, and pray for there forgiveness.
There is hope. The first thing that you have to do to fix a problem is to identify the cause and I know with out a doupt that my drinking is the cause and that will stop. I am hopfull about the future and I know that forgiveness and understanding will heal everyones scars.
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